JUSTIN BARBER: GOOGLE SEARCH 'CRAPPY ALIBI'

HOW THE SUCKY STORY STARTS On the night of August 17, 2002 Justin Barber, 30, was found slumped at the wheel of his car with four gunshot wounds. He told police that a romantic moonlight beach walk with his wife was interrupted when an armed man approached them on the beach shouting 'something about cash'; during a struggle with the man, Barber was shot four times and his totally hot wife, 27, sustained a fatal gunshot wound in the face. He was driving in search of help when discovered.

HOW EINSTEIN BLEW IT Friends told police that the happy couple really was on the verge of a split; Barber later admitted to five extra-marital affairs. This cast doubt on his story to authorities of a cuddly, loving marriage. Prosecutors called his current gf (!) to the stand where she stated that Barber asked her to blow town with him for California. Then his story about attempting to carry his wife's body -- before he left her behind to drive ten miles in search of help -- didn't jibe with forensic science or laws of gravity. Barber stood to gain $2 million in insurance payouts.

THE LENGTHS TO WHICH THIS GENIUS WENT But wait, you say, didn't superguy suffer life-threatening gunshot wounds while defending his helpless wife? The answer is yes, except that dude's wounds were treated only with salve and swabs; he was shot with a puny .22 in the left shoulder, left hand, base of the neck, and chest. He stayed in the hospital one night. I had a longer stay last Christmas when I sat on a stapler.

WAIT SRSLY? The whole thing gets stupid once investigators revealed that hours before the murder Barber downloaded like 15 songs about killing wives, including the Guns N' Roses jam, "I Used To Love Her," which he deleted before submitting his computer to the police. That loudmouth computer also coughed up Google searches of the terms "trauma cases gunshot right chest" (in a search dated Valentine's Day 2002 srs) and "divorce & Florida." No eyewitness or evidence ever confirmed the presence of a third person. 

THE VERDICT The jury convicted Barber on the absence of blood on his wife's waistband by which he claimed to have dragged her prone body towards their car -- using his wounded, bloody hand. Life in state prison with no parole. 

MURDER TONY SEZ "Wow. He shot himself a bunch and that shows commitment, but dude is arrogant. He didn't bother to be good at lying. That's the foundation of murder and it takes effort, suckface."

MIKE MURDER SEZ "You would expect better logistics coming from a valedictorian and would-be Fortune 500 executive, but no, dingus went ahead and claimed an armed robber leapt out of the sawgrass on a beach where not a single crime ever occurred. That dog don't hunt."

RATING TWO BUNDYS